What prompted me to go there was a slow self pitiful fall into self pity. Open mic night at a small joint in Long Beach. My first open mic night in probably over a month. So give it 6 *maybe* 8 weeks since my last live performance. I had been on a roll for a while until the end of my lease started raising its head. Lots of stuff in the middle had happened which I am not at liberty to talk about right now. Nothing bad happened. Just the end of the lease. And what I am talking about right has to deal with what happened today -3/25/2014 - 3/26/2014. Around 6 pm today I packed up my guitar in preparation to go to the open mic night that Nathan was hosting. As a matter of fact I went out of my way specifically because it was Nathan's last night hosting the open mic. And the reason I went out of my way. . . Nathan is a damn good self promoter. I don't mean to down play him. I wish I wish a shameless self-promoter. For the last 2 weeks I've seen nothing but Nathan promoting his *LAST* open mic night that he will be hosting, slapped all over Facebook. Which. . . He was the featured act. And it was a fantastic time.
I got there at 6:30 and saw two comedians waiting to put their name on the list. Then, two comedians. Both great in their own right. One of them is going to live the dream by earning a living off of his telling jokes. He is so good at it. And I have seen him improve leaps and bounds since the first time I have seen him perform months and months ago from the date of this blog. As 7pm crawled closer more people showed up. I was there 4th, but signed up at the 8th spot because I went to the bathroom. On purpose I might add. I didn't want to perform so early. It's a mental thing. I like to feel out the room before I perform. Which is really unnecessary, really. Mainly I am just a chicken shit.
Each act was great tonight. I am very impressed by everyone's performance. I tried my best to socialize and be positive before and after the event. There were a few beautiful women there. That kind of made me a little unsettled. Unsettled because I think I broke the threshold of *not* wanting a relationship at this point. I do want one though . . . The WORST time to break such a threshold.
I am leaving on April 1st to travel across the country for a month or so. The purpose. To play at as many venues as possible to spread my music. To show off Art and I's musical technical abilities and record a concept for an internet show we have. So there are good things . . . As long as we stick to the plan . . . that can come of this trip.
Anyway! After Nathan's show, I went to pay my tab that I am sure was hovering around thirty dollars worth of Fat Tire beers. Donny the owner would only take twenty of my dollars after I handed two twenty dollar bills to him. He's a good guy. To this day he has paid for at least 8 of my beers. Bless his heart. After paying a portion of my tab I went off to mingle around. I can't say I made the best efforts to talk to people. I did talk to a few people though. I complemented a couple of people on their work. One guy specifically, (I can't remember his name now =( ) played a piece that really moved me. After my complement he talked to me as if I had no clue how music works at all. Where I thought there would be common ground between us, there was none, sadly. I was disappointed ultimately. Then, he found a way to weasel out of the conversation we were having to talk to someone else. From there I went inside to grab my guitar and then headed back out front on Fourth Street. In the short time frame that it took for me to grab my guitar I walked outside to a high schoolish click thing happening outside. This. . . is where the self pity started. I was the only one standing by myself. Everyone else were in groups of at least three. Talking, laughing, giggling, reminiscing, and pondering together. For some strange reason I decided to stick around for 10 minutes to think about my loneliness.
I am the one at fault here. I could have barged my way into any grouped and at least listened to what everyone was saying. But I decided not to. Mainly because that is what I am used to. The habit in which I locked myself into. But it still pissed me off at the time. So I left. Angrily. Pissed off that Nathan managed to pull in a full house for his full set, when there were only 5 (Including myself, the host Nathan, and Donny and his Wife) that were there for mine. With a bit of pride I say to myself that, "My music is more involved in the emotion, with the lyrics. But for some reason no one understands." Not that they should. I am just shocked no one does understand. Especially red sweatshirt guy on the piano who had a piece that moved me. Whatever. At this point, on my way to my car, all I had in mind was Jack in the Box. So I left. Stopped at Jack in the box pissed off. While in the drive through I decided the Fritz was the place to unload my frustration. Thus, I went to the Fritz pissed off no one loved me and I was met with women that loved me for the twenties I came prepared with in my pocket.
I finally broke down when Stormy approached my table. She worked the hardest out of all the women that tried to get my twenties. She is beautiful. Milk chocolate black girl with jet black hair, ruby red lipstick. Slender and athletic. She knew she didn't have to work me long before I broke. But I never let her off the hook. I called her out. She said there was chemistry between us. Hahahahah!!!! I tried not to laugh. Instead I said something along the lines of, "The chemistry is there because the twenties are there." I don't know. I didn't say that. But my memory is already fading. It wasn't her talk that got me. It was her physical approach. She was all over me. Even after I called her out for talking to me because she knew she can make twenty dollars in two and a half minutes. Which she responded with, "Three and a minutes baby." I didn't know we splitting fucking hairs.
I broke down and got a dance from her . . . That turned into three. The entire time I was beating myself up more and more. Making the self pity party the party of the year. HAH! And I let her know too. After I asked her how many dances we had she told me three. THREE! I couldn't believe it. She was good and very sneaky. VERY! And it pissed me off even more. Three dances and I only had enough for two in my pocket. And guess what?! Yup. That upset me even more. I had to make a trip to the ATM that charges three dollars per transaction. I became very stern and none responsive after I realized this fact. As Stormy followed me down stairs to the ATM machine. I felt so STUPID that a dancer is babysitting me as I try my best to pull out money with my worn out debit card. I think I entered my pin 4 times. The entire time I was insulting stormy. HAH! Nothing attacking to her character really. She responded by attacking me back. Saying how shitty my attitude is and THATS why I can't find women to have sex with. I quickly snapped that it's not about sex, it's about being in a meaningful relationship. Her reasoning still stood and she waived the third dance. That's how much she couldn't take my "bad" attitude. She gave up twenty dollars. . .
Whatever though. I will continue forward and learn from my mistakes . . . And take the advice from Stormy. Hahahah! I laugh every time. I told her my name is John and every time she would call me John I had to hold in a burst of laughter. She knew it too. That's why she kept saying John. She wasn't dumb. She was beautiful. I asked her at one point why she dances, and the answer of course was, "For the money baby." I wasn't surprised at all. But she is what I needed. Not physically, but her reactions to my being an asshole is what I needed. Every reaction to mine. . . I needed it.
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